Today, do something different. Even if it's a huge mistake that you regret doing for the rest of your life, and it's something you can never undo, and you lose everything you've ever worked for, at least you will have done something different. Which is a small victory. Possibly very small compared to everything you've lost and the suffering the different thing caused. But, hey, you can tell everyone, "I did something different today!" And you might get a pat on the back or something.